According to psychological insights and expert perspectives, such as those discussed on platforms like and community forums like Reddit's AsOneAfterInfidelity , there are several layers to this claim: 1. Lack of Introspection
In some cases, the individual may be in genuine denial. They might have a self-image as a "good person" or "happily married man," and the act of cheating is so dissonant with that image that they repress the motivations behind it to avoid the psychological pain of being the "villain". 4. Fear of the Partner's Reaction Instead, this response often signals a lack of
Recovering from Infidelity in a Relationship: A Complete Guide 3. Self-Deception and Repression
: Admitting they risked a marriage for a "fun escapist fantasy" can feel too shallow to confess. a subconscious defense mechanism
When a partner claims they "don't know why" they cheated, it is rarely due to a complete lack of a reason. Instead, this response often signals a lack of emotional intelligence, a subconscious defense mechanism, or a conscious attempt to avoid accountability.
Saying "I don't know" creates a "fog" that shields the cheater from difficult follow-up questions. It allows them to bypass the need to admit to motives they find shameful, such as:
: The affair might have been a way to boost a fragile ego or feel "desired" again, which can be an uncomfortable truth to face. 3. Self-Deception and Repression